Saturday, January 19, 2008
To Catch A Predator
I feel bad for those actors who have to stand in the doorway when the creepy pervs walk in. It's going to suck a couple of years from now when that Dateline money drys up and they go out to look for other acting jobs. How do you phrase 'Pretended to be 13 years old so old guys would walk into the house to get questioned by Chris Hanson'?
Friday, January 18, 2008
Yearly football rant
I like football. I'm an American male, aged 10-65, so that makes sense. I'm kind of the demographic. Football is one of those sports where even though I have a favorite team, I can pretty much turn on any game and be entertained. I like the 'all or nothing' mentality because both in the pros and in college every game is so important (because there are so few of them) that everyone tries super hard at all times. And I like touchdown celebrations. That being said, here are some thought that I have about football:
- College. Nobody cares. The titles are arbitrary and meaningless, and the stats are worthless since the players are going to be there for such a finite amount of time and play against such different opponents that it's tough to compare and contrast. I say they stop letting the teams decide their own schedule and regulate it. Then, have a 16 or 32 team playoff at the end of the season. The only argument against a playoff system is the bullshit "but the kids need to be in claaaaaaaaaaaaaaass" one, which is obviously stupid. College basketball finds a way to get kids to class and to playoff games, and the post-season in football is right around one of the longest breaks of the year.
- The Patriots are the greatest team of the year. Even if they lost in their first game of the playoffs, they would still be the best team this year. Going 16-0 is so much more important then winning a Super Bowl and it's not even close. For example, can you name the team that won the Super Bowl 7 years ago? Didn't think so. Can you name the last team to go undefeated? Right.
- Week 17 is pointless. I mean, what a snooze fest. Every single year it's the same scenario. Most of the games are between two teams who have no shot of making the playoffs or two teams who have secured their spot. These games are boring, although some of the games between two scrub teams are somewhat competitive because both teams are so so bad. Most of the other games are either between a team which has it's spot locked up and a team who is trying to get in, or a team who is trying to get in and a team who is out. The only time you get a good game is when there are two teams who both have a shot to get in, or a team who is in but needs another win to get home field/bye week and a team who is trying to get in. All other games are boring as the teams that are in rest most of their starters and the teams that are out are horrible and unexciting.
Football needs a new system to make sure that ever game is good (or at least has the potential to be good). I'd suggest having two 8-week halfs (with a week off between them, when you can hold the All Star Game), and dividing playoff spots based on success in either half.
I should obviously be the commissioner of football. Along with great ideas like the one above, I would propose that cheerleaders be banned from wearing pants, and more giant foam headed mascot fights. That you can bet on.
- If you are an commentator, nobody cares about you. I am so sick of watching a football game where people who are actually good at the sport are playing their hearts out, only to hear an annoying comment 10 times a game from some schmo who played backup QB for 5 years.
If your name isn't Aikman or Madden then NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. It's always some annoying bullshit like "Wow Favre took a nasty hit there. You know, when I was playing 15 years ago I took a nasty hit like that once and had to stay overnight in the hospital for observation. So I know how he feels." How is pointless drivel like that helping my enjoyment? First off, you can take most of the commentators and I couldn't tell you what team they have played for, and I've been watching football for 20 years. Secondly, even if I know who you are, I don't give a shit what you have to say. They never tell engrossing stories about drinking with 400 pound men or threesomes with football groupies, it's always some meaningless "I want to relate to the people on the field" stories. It's stupid and only serves to fill the 10 seconds between when a play ended and when they are going to read to me the huge graphic that pops up on the screen like I'm a small child.
- College. Nobody cares. The titles are arbitrary and meaningless, and the stats are worthless since the players are going to be there for such a finite amount of time and play against such different opponents that it's tough to compare and contrast. I say they stop letting the teams decide their own schedule and regulate it. Then, have a 16 or 32 team playoff at the end of the season. The only argument against a playoff system is the bullshit "but the kids need to be in claaaaaaaaaaaaaaass" one, which is obviously stupid. College basketball finds a way to get kids to class and to playoff games, and the post-season in football is right around one of the longest breaks of the year.
- The Patriots are the greatest team of the year. Even if they lost in their first game of the playoffs, they would still be the best team this year. Going 16-0 is so much more important then winning a Super Bowl and it's not even close. For example, can you name the team that won the Super Bowl 7 years ago? Didn't think so. Can you name the last team to go undefeated? Right.
- Week 17 is pointless. I mean, what a snooze fest. Every single year it's the same scenario. Most of the games are between two teams who have no shot of making the playoffs or two teams who have secured their spot. These games are boring, although some of the games between two scrub teams are somewhat competitive because both teams are so so bad. Most of the other games are either between a team which has it's spot locked up and a team who is trying to get in, or a team who is trying to get in and a team who is out. The only time you get a good game is when there are two teams who both have a shot to get in, or a team who is in but needs another win to get home field/bye week and a team who is trying to get in. All other games are boring as the teams that are in rest most of their starters and the teams that are out are horrible and unexciting.
Football needs a new system to make sure that ever game is good (or at least has the potential to be good). I'd suggest having two 8-week halfs (with a week off between them, when you can hold the All Star Game), and dividing playoff spots based on success in either half.
I should obviously be the commissioner of football. Along with great ideas like the one above, I would propose that cheerleaders be banned from wearing pants, and more giant foam headed mascot fights. That you can bet on.
- If you are an commentator, nobody cares about you. I am so sick of watching a football game where people who are actually good at the sport are playing their hearts out, only to hear an annoying comment 10 times a game from some schmo who played backup QB for 5 years.
If your name isn't Aikman or Madden then NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. It's always some annoying bullshit like "Wow Favre took a nasty hit there. You know, when I was playing 15 years ago I took a nasty hit like that once and had to stay overnight in the hospital for observation. So I know how he feels." How is pointless drivel like that helping my enjoyment? First off, you can take most of the commentators and I couldn't tell you what team they have played for, and I've been watching football for 20 years. Secondly, even if I know who you are, I don't give a shit what you have to say. They never tell engrossing stories about drinking with 400 pound men or threesomes with football groupies, it's always some meaningless "I want to relate to the people on the field" stories. It's stupid and only serves to fill the 10 seconds between when a play ended and when they are going to read to me the huge graphic that pops up on the screen like I'm a small child.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Whoops
Looks like I forgot I had a blog. I'll do that from time to time. My bad. I'm sure all zero of you reading this have been waiting with bated breath, so I'll list my thoughts on recent stuff, rapid-fire style:
Rock of Love - This shit needs to stop. It ended predictably and the reunion show was horrid. Booooring.
America's Most Smartest Model - An interesting concept, but pretty much misses the mark. The half of the show where the models are being tested on their intelligence is great, but the second half where they are tested on their modelness is boring. Maybe it's that I don't get what makes a model good, but if people wanted to watch a bunch of vapid models parading around looking dour, they would watch America's Next Top Model. Also, the models seem to be voted off based on how well they model, not on how smart they are. This seems like just a random "Top Model" show with a couple of quizzes on basic general knowledge, which in that context just seems to exist to humiliate them. Also, Ben Stein should be on more shows, he's outstanding.
Survivor - Average season. I like watching JRB, but the blurred out pubic region is getting on my nerves. These days there really isn't any more innovation in Survivor, so if you like it you like it and if you never liked it you'll probably not like this season (or any other season).
Big Brother - I picked up in the middle, and it's kind of confusing. Two people are on a team and the others are individuals? There's a guy who does whatever America votes him to do? Also, why is this on like 20 hours a week? Why are there like five different challenges before there is a vote? Seems like a pretty weak show overall, but there were a bunch of stupid people yelling at each other and making asses of themselves, so I'll probably watch next season. I'm easy to please like that.
Solitary - Now THIS is a good show. If you only order digital cable to get Fox Reality to watch this, it would pretty much be worth the price. Entertaining, original, and the people had good personalities. The challenges get difficult to watch at times, but if you could handle something like Fear Factor, you can handle this.
Shot at Love - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. If I wanted to watch a bi girl flip flop over partners and make people do stupid challenges to talk to her, I'd go back to high school.
SNL - Another boring season. Nowadays there is one good skit per year, and it's usually a digital short staring Samburg. That skit was last week, with the people getting hit right before they eat. I laughed out loud.
How I Met Your Mother - Pretty much leveled off. Still standard and predictable (I have a running gag where I yell out either an exact line or a plot point before it happens, which my roommates LOVE). It's worth watching just for the NPH lines, though. He's hilarious, and has amazing timing and delivery.
Beauty and the Geek - Another good season. Pretty much everything about this show is well done, and the people who are on it honestly seem to be getting a rewarding experience out of it. Anyone who has never watched this show should watch it as soon as possible, it certainly isn't your typical reality show.
The Office - I'm honestly surprised that there wasn't an episode where Steve Carrell jumps over a shark on water skis. Seriously. Everything about the show has fallen off, and it's become predictable and boring. It seems like the writers are very good at writing dialog, they just wrote themselves into a corner with all of the story arcs. For the Office to go back to being the best show on television, it needs to be like the Simpsons, where nothing ever changes and it's a constant stream of Michael being a good hearted idiot and Jim and Pam having sexual frustration. The way it is now, it's just an average sitcom with good writing for a couple of the characters...kind of like How I Met Your Mother.
Curb Your Enthusiasm - Larry David is still funny. I think I don't enjoy it as much as I used to because I've became used to it being really funny, so now it isn't a pleasant surprise anymore.
Price is right - Know what? Good for Drew Carey. I like that guy. The Drew Carey show was one of my favorite shows, for the simple reason that it didn't pretend to be something it wasn't. It was a silly little sitcom that only cared about entertaining the viewers. It didn't have pretentious plots or over dramatic arcs, it was just good ole wacky hi jinx week in and week out. That sort of thing should be commended.
Rock of Love - This shit needs to stop. It ended predictably and the reunion show was horrid. Booooring.
America's Most Smartest Model - An interesting concept, but pretty much misses the mark. The half of the show where the models are being tested on their intelligence is great, but the second half where they are tested on their modelness is boring. Maybe it's that I don't get what makes a model good, but if people wanted to watch a bunch of vapid models parading around looking dour, they would watch America's Next Top Model. Also, the models seem to be voted off based on how well they model, not on how smart they are. This seems like just a random "Top Model" show with a couple of quizzes on basic general knowledge, which in that context just seems to exist to humiliate them. Also, Ben Stein should be on more shows, he's outstanding.
Survivor - Average season. I like watching JRB, but the blurred out pubic region is getting on my nerves. These days there really isn't any more innovation in Survivor, so if you like it you like it and if you never liked it you'll probably not like this season (or any other season).
Big Brother - I picked up in the middle, and it's kind of confusing. Two people are on a team and the others are individuals? There's a guy who does whatever America votes him to do? Also, why is this on like 20 hours a week? Why are there like five different challenges before there is a vote? Seems like a pretty weak show overall, but there were a bunch of stupid people yelling at each other and making asses of themselves, so I'll probably watch next season. I'm easy to please like that.
Solitary - Now THIS is a good show. If you only order digital cable to get Fox Reality to watch this, it would pretty much be worth the price. Entertaining, original, and the people had good personalities. The challenges get difficult to watch at times, but if you could handle something like Fear Factor, you can handle this.
Shot at Love - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. If I wanted to watch a bi girl flip flop over partners and make people do stupid challenges to talk to her, I'd go back to high school.
SNL - Another boring season. Nowadays there is one good skit per year, and it's usually a digital short staring Samburg. That skit was last week, with the people getting hit right before they eat. I laughed out loud.
How I Met Your Mother - Pretty much leveled off. Still standard and predictable (I have a running gag where I yell out either an exact line or a plot point before it happens, which my roommates LOVE). It's worth watching just for the NPH lines, though. He's hilarious, and has amazing timing and delivery.
Beauty and the Geek - Another good season. Pretty much everything about this show is well done, and the people who are on it honestly seem to be getting a rewarding experience out of it. Anyone who has never watched this show should watch it as soon as possible, it certainly isn't your typical reality show.
The Office - I'm honestly surprised that there wasn't an episode where Steve Carrell jumps over a shark on water skis. Seriously. Everything about the show has fallen off, and it's become predictable and boring. It seems like the writers are very good at writing dialog, they just wrote themselves into a corner with all of the story arcs. For the Office to go back to being the best show on television, it needs to be like the Simpsons, where nothing ever changes and it's a constant stream of Michael being a good hearted idiot and Jim and Pam having sexual frustration. The way it is now, it's just an average sitcom with good writing for a couple of the characters...kind of like How I Met Your Mother.
Curb Your Enthusiasm - Larry David is still funny. I think I don't enjoy it as much as I used to because I've became used to it being really funny, so now it isn't a pleasant surprise anymore.
Price is right - Know what? Good for Drew Carey. I like that guy. The Drew Carey show was one of my favorite shows, for the simple reason that it didn't pretend to be something it wasn't. It was a silly little sitcom that only cared about entertaining the viewers. It didn't have pretentious plots or over dramatic arcs, it was just good ole wacky hi jinx week in and week out. That sort of thing should be commended.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Saved by the Bell: The less than definitive post
My biggest problem with SBTB is the lack on continuity from one episode to the next. I don't get how the lazy writers can just write in an entire structure for one plot point in an episode, and then completely ignore it for the remainder of the series. For example, the radio station. Remember when Zack and his crew worked at the school radio station? Unlike your high school radio station, which consisted of 4 minutes in the morning for school announcements, this one was fully functioning, with a full sound board, mix deck, ect (and of course every kid who worked there knew how to work all of the equipment to perfection). Also every single one of Zack's friends worked there, each with their own show. How in the hell is there that much free time in the school day?
How stupid were kids during the first run of this show? How could everyone just accept that, out of the blue, everyone worked at a school radio station and this was an important part in all of their lives? Also, was this supposed to be some childhood fantasy? Did kids yearn to have a radio station in their school where they could work for no money? Were DJs cool in the 80s?
How stupid were kids during the first run of this show? How could everyone just accept that, out of the blue, everyone worked at a school radio station and this was an important part in all of their lives? Also, was this supposed to be some childhood fantasy? Did kids yearn to have a radio station in their school where they could work for no money? Were DJs cool in the 80s?
Friday, September 7, 2007
Anyone can get a reality show
Just ran across this on the ole TV: apparently DMX (the rapper) has his own reality type show. On TV. I've set my DVR to record the entire season. I can watch this show all day every day. It is 30 minutes of his yelling. Sometimes it is happy yelling, sometimes it is angry yelling. But there is always yelling. The best part is when he's on a cell phone minutes before he has to go on stage and perform, yelling at someone at his record label.
But the REAL best part is when he's yelling that he loves his kid, to the kid. It's heartwarming....kinda.
But the REAL best part is when he's yelling that he loves his kid, to the kid. It's heartwarming....kinda.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Celebrity Rap Superstar
First off, whoever greenlighted this show is getting fired. If this gets all the way to the end of the 'season' or whatever they want to call it, I'd be shocked and it would probably only be because they ran out of old episodes of Next to show on MTV. The goal is to match up a whose-who of washed up rappers (like Bubba Sparxxx....remember him? Yeah me either) who teach "celebrities" how to rap. Why the quotes? Because the all-star lineup includes an 80s rocker, Kevin Federlines first wife, one of Hugh Hefners girlfriends (the dumb one), a blogger, an old running back, some guy from Laguna Beach, two people whose only real credits are from being on Moesha, and Pedro. From Napolean Dynomite. HE CAN'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH DSLFJDFKLFJLAADSF. If I had known that they were taking these kinds of Q-list celebrities, I might have considered hiring a manager and getting on the show myself.
Highlights include one guy not knowing a single word of his song, one guy trying to freestyle, and one guy, you know, not knowing how to speak english. The guy who doesn't know many english words will probably be back next week because HE WASN'T EVEN THE WORST ONE.
Also, DMC (you know....from Run DMC) was playing the Simon Cowell role and just shitting on everyone, which is pretty funny.
Also also, Kevin Hart is the host. Why is he still allowed on TV? His only real flaws were things like not knowing his words and running out of breath/getting horse. Shouldn't one of the requirements of hosting an hour long live show be that you have to be able to physically perform for the entire duration?
Highlights include one guy not knowing a single word of his song, one guy trying to freestyle, and one guy, you know, not knowing how to speak english. The guy who doesn't know many english words will probably be back next week because HE WASN'T EVEN THE WORST ONE.
Also, DMC (you know....from Run DMC) was playing the Simon Cowell role and just shitting on everyone, which is pretty funny.
Also also, Kevin Hart is the host. Why is he still allowed on TV? His only real flaws were things like not knowing his words and running out of breath/getting horse. Shouldn't one of the requirements of hosting an hour long live show be that you have to be able to physically perform for the entire duration?
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